STUPIDIA: 05/01/2006

00017 - You cheat me on E-bay?

I PWNZ j00 worldwide !
To con money out of someone, lie or be otherwise dishonest, only to face ritual humiliation on a worldwide scale.

00016 - Jesus Saves: t-shirt

I'm a proud owner of this beautiful T-shirt .

00015 - Scared?

OMFG!

00014 - Enough sex?

A poor little bunny sings about his love life

00013 - Jesus Saves!

Religion and Roleplaying

Recently, I found out about a new roleplaying
game using the d20
system called "Testament".
For those of you unfamiliar with "roleplaying games," they are games
wherein one plays a role. Actually, that's about the furthest thing from the
truth. Roleplaying games are, in general, an excuse for lonely men, aged 12
and older, to engage in an activity that is like a sport but doesn't require
all the sweat. As a fan of both sports and roleplaying games, I can tell you
that I am extrodinarily lonely. I can also tell you that the two are fairly
similar. Sports and roleplaying both can fill the void left by the lack of
hunting in the typical male lifestyle. We've got instincts, people, what do
you expect from us? Sometimes, girls play too. Often, it's because their boyfriends
make them play. Sometimes, it's for other reasons that I've never quite been
able to puzzle out for myself.

Regardless of your reasons, roleplaying
games advance beyond simple board games and card games by giving you a character
in a story and allowing you and endless array of choices for that character
- will I rob the shopkeeper and then kill her, or will I kill the
shopkeeper and then rob her? It's much like writing a story, but without the
important editorial process. Games like Dungeons and Dragons and Vampire:
The Masquerade have shaped the subculture of the world, and created such brutally
mutated offspring as EverQuest and the Final Fantasy games, which are bastard
children indeed. Roleplaying games are out there, and Jack
Chick hates them.

Enough about all that, though - let's
get back to the topic. "Testament" takes an interesting "historical
period" or "mythology" (depending on your religious bend) and
places characters in it - namely, the Old Testament of the Bible. With characters
like David and Goliath (who are both given statistics in the book), Abraham
and Moses and, say, Job, it's no wonder that this fabulous set of books was
finally given a set of rules so that we, the gamers, could kill shopkeepers
in an entirely new setting. Remember, though - the Jews often win in the Old
Testament, so if the shopkeepers sporting a yarmulke (pronounced ya-mah-ka,
heathen), leave him be. Lightning may, in fact, strike you down.

But, with only the Old Testament covered,
it leaves us with a burning question - what are Jesus' stats? Could Jesus
take on a mature adult red dragon single-handedly, or would he need the apostles
to back him up with some buffing, healing and ranged attacks? How much is
Judas' backstab bonus? What level campaign are the Gospels? Naturally, I've
thought about this quite a bit.

The first conclusion many people will
jump to is that Jesus was a high-level character. But this conclusion doesn't
stick with me. While healing the sick and creating food are excellent abilities,
they're not that high in spell level. Remove disease and create
food and water are 3rd level cleric spells. Sure, raise dead
is a 5th level spell, but Jesus only raised the dead once or twice, leading
me to believe he cast the spell from a scroll. Let's face it, Jesus was all
about talk and not about casting high-level spells or winning folks over with
combat. His specialty was actually the Diplomacy ability. As a half-celestial,
Jesus had a +4 Charisma, and I'll bet he maxed that stat, meaning he ended
up with a 22 Charisma at 1st level. (In my divine order, God uses the point-by
system, meaning Jesus can min-max his stats.) This alone gives Jesus a +6
bonus to Diplomacy. Now, on a good day, Jesus could sway an "Unfriendly"
NPC to "Friendly", which is a DC 25 Diplomacy check. Now, we'll
define a "good day" as a roll of 15 on the old twenty-sided die.
That roll, plus his +6 bonus from Charisma gives him a total of 21. He only
needs 4 ranks of Diplomacy to make that up. If we consider Jesus a 5th level
cleric, he could have 8 ranks of Diplomacy, giving him a +14 to his roll for
Diplomacy checks.

Now, I bet you're asking why I peg Jesus
so low on the level chart. "Surely, Chuck must have something against
Jesus." I promise you, it's nothing like that. But God gifted Jesus with
some powers, and I think Jesus tried to use them as best he could to help
save the world. But you'll note that Jesus never used flame strike
or greater planar ally in the New Testament. Imagine, if you will,
Jesus confronting King Herod with a well-placed pillar of holy flame, damage
being half-fire, half-divine. Being a King, Herod was obviously a high-level
fighter who had retired, so he would have survived, but it would have given
him something to think about. The New Testament is a low-magic world - that
kind of magical effect, you can really impress a simple fighter. Besides,
with his half-celestial template and 5 levels of cleric, Jesus is an ECL 9
character - not too shabby, overall. If it makes you feel more comfortable
for the son of God to be a higher-level character, give him a few levels of
bard or rogue, to buff up the Diplomacy and other Charisma skills. I'm convinced
that when Jesus said, "God, why have you forsaken me?" he was really
implying, "DM, why can't I have some more levels, dude?"

In my opinion, the New Testament is
a low-level campaign designed for those who are strongly interested in roleplaying
and character development. The adventure has a very tragic ending that could
be very exciting for folks who are interested in that kind of thing, but hack-and-slash
players will find the Old Testament to be a lot more interesting.

p0w3r3d by

00012 - Young Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris. No further explanation needed

00011 - Robocop Vs. Neo

EXCLUSIVE!! NEO FIGHTING AGAINST ROBOCOP!!! WHO WILL BE THE WINNER?

00010 - Japanese Family

Whassuppppp!!!

00009 - Pong

Pong...or not?

00008 - High voice guest

Host Loses Control - High Voiced Guest
Info: They should have prepped this talk show host BEFORE the show!

00007 - Battle Royal

Ninjas, teenwolf, a clown, and jedi all collide on the campus of a major university - when the dust settles only one will be left standing... Place your bets now!

00006 - The Kidnapping

An innoccent girl, a delicious lunch, two men in silver masks, 1 bed sheet and over 300 witnesses. Final proof that no one is safe, especially on a college camp ...